Citizen Pop

Polo FUGLY

2011-11-16T10:31:00.001-08:00

This new ad for Polo Rugby is WHACK.

A bunch of mean-mugging Eurotrash does not make me want to buy your shit, Ralph. Ironic that the black chick is the hottest model in an ad for the whittest brand since the Rza stopped rockin' Aeropostale. Blondie on the right looks like my ex. I may ralph.

I found a better polo ad here. Original ad here.

Oh Wiki, have you no cooth?

2011-11-09T08:20:00.001-08:00

#saltpepperketchup

2011-10-27T06:36:00.001-07:00

This man put cheese on my b'fast sammich. I replied, "I'm taking this pic 'cause if I get fat an my gf no longer wants to 'do me', she's coming for you."

These pale in comparison to the staten island ferry/Fulton St. Truck bacon egg n cheese on a English muffin at 2:45 am running to get the last boat back to shaolin though. #saltpepperketchup

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Your Love, Your Love

2011-10-23T19:22:00.001-07:00

Just a tidbit of the randomness and hilarity...

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Vernon & Shirley

2011-10-18T20:32:00.001-07:00

Hossenfeffer incorporated.

"We're gonna make it."

I don't remember the show either, I'm just trying to test the new app. #funniershitcoming
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Kick off my shoes...

2011-10-13T07:31:00.000-07:00

Welp, some of us do.

2011-09-29T17:29:00.000-07:00

In this trife life, ain't nobody you can trust...

2011-09-29T08:34:00.000-07:00

NIGHTMARE

2011-09-20T20:02:00.000-07:00

"I told her I'm her worst nightmare
This is hell, you don't ever gotta fight fair
My spirit floats around in the night air
Or in your day dreams, that's how death seems..."

@FUCKTYLER

Fantasy Football

2011-09-06T13:13:00.000-07:00

Call me a nerd but my team logo is the bee's knees.

Blissful Ignorance

2011-07-08T20:12:00.000-07:00

"You take the blue pill – the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill – you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes." -Morpheus

The inclination is to take red pill right? Truth seeking is innate in humans, the opposite, one could argue would be almost inhumane. Like a fish, wondering about not asking any Q's and forgetting shit erry 7 seconds or so.

But, am I wrong to note that some things better left unsaid? That some truths are better left uncovered. What if Lee Harvey Oswold did kill JFK? What if dude was fucking her the same weekend you was fucking her? What if Wayland Smithers wasn't a homosexual? What if George Bush Jr. didn't fix the '04 Florida Electoral vote? What if your momma was a whore, and you are the milkman's daughter?

Zactly, I'm saying - blue pill.

Can't Stop, Won't Stop

2011-05-26T15:47:00.001-07:00

While on a plane wishing I quit my job and was on Kurdt Cobain's "Plane," I was reading some economics book concerning ROI, social media and other shit. I won't boar bore bour you with details.

Said book (pictured) is verbose, well written and laden with metaphors, one pertained to the importance of ingraining your company in social media. It read "You do this by being more genuine and more caring, by creating better content, by keeping your thumb on the pulse of the space, and by being more engaged. By being BETTER. You have to act like the guy who falls for the girl who just got dumped by the love of her life. How the hell are you gonna get her to let him go, and make her see that you're worth ten of that dude? ...With an unbelievable amount of patience, persistence and understanding."

GENIUS - throw excellent cunnilingus into that equation + boom boom boom and YOU, ma dude Gary Vaynerchuck, you may be on to some real shit right therrre.

- Posted using BlogPress for iPhone, boom

CAN I LIVE - Yes, I'm livin'.

2011-05-24T07:42:00.000-07:00

Start with the orig.

"and we can have a pleasant time sippin margaritas, g-g-gheaa..." #hateyou

A new Pusha-T Tribute

I'm def. coppin' them SALMON pants. #boatshoesAreforGs.

Chinatown is Better

2011-05-09T09:56:00.000-07:00

This is what I looked at every weekend night while living in Old City, seriously.

My apartment was sick, but #Chinatownisbetter.

Matchy Match Match

2011-04-12T08:14:00.001-07:00

Wow, nothing says "I'm looking good today regardless of handicaps, injuries, or general disabilitating conditions" (not related to her ass) like matching your purple cast to your purple boots to your purple tank undershirt.

"“I pimp hard on a trick, look Fuck if your leg broke bitch, hop up on your good foot.” - Jay-Z

- Posted using BlogPress for iPhone, boom

Maybe We'll Someday Grow

2011-04-06T16:57:00.000-07:00

Usually I'm like this...

But lately I'm like this...

#loverap , #hateyou

STUPID SON

2011-03-24T13:03:00.000-07:00

me: #winning
Steven: bi winning?
me: what, i hate you and your stupid face
Steven: why is that?
me: your face, it's STUPID
Steven: just the face, no?
me: STUPID STUPID STUPID and huge head, cant leave that out
Steven: oh no doubt
me: HUGE
Steven: it is rather large isn't it
me: so, anyways. whats really hood in the hood these days?
Steven: uuugh i've been drinking like a mad man lately, my tolerance is through the ROOF
me: NICE, glass half full i see
Steven: i've learned that i'm addicted to female attention and now i need to go cold turkey
me: yeah true youre getting fat
Steven: haha
me: #sofat
Steven: nah but i need to cool it
Steven: i'm going to quit this friday or next weekend
me: dude i been strapped to my desk. STRAPPED in the bad way, not in the "i got a gat" way or "this chick tied me up" way
Steven: that saturday...PS i'm staying over night on the 9th...might ask this german girl to come...not sure. lord...i have a chick story that is like that second sentence... i'll tell you it to you at PSU which is now why i need to get back to work...in the general sense...not right now... and of course, bc of my recent realized habit, i started reading Paradise Lost
me: naturally
Steven: oh Milton
me: im coming up tomorrow after work to take Jessica out
Steven: nice nice
me: suggestions for dinner?
Steven: coffee first? Spotted Pig
me: im not gonna have time
Steven: ill get you a table... word or the Breslin ill get you a table
me: i may do breslin anything more quaint? dimly lit? intimate?
Steven: #youre_ill
me: just saying, she doesnt know the city a lot and i only know places to get hammered at.
ahhhhhh wait. i just had a blast from the past / revelation i thank you in advance
Steven: word word, what place?
me: not telling, I'll text you when im there. womp womp
Steven: word bro
well let me know if you want me to get youa reservation... i mean corner table at Schillers would be dope too... but word...
me: oh word say word, word word
Steven: word son, WORD!!
me: say word. im sayin it - word
Steven: oh word, you sayin' word son?
me: word. i been sayin word son. since words was words. sayin word
Steven: oh word? i been saying word. i'm saying since words were part of the word
me: word is bond son
Steven: word son word

Take A Hint.

2011-03-20T20:52:00.001-07:00

Her: Just being me..saying what's in my head.
Her: What r u doin?
Her: My clarity is starting to get foggy ;)
Her: Umm yeah I was out all day for the st patty's day parade yesterday so if u could disregard anything I said that'd b great...thanks

::that's 4 no replies after 3 months of not speaking::

::Begin the Guy On the Couch texting her from my phone after 4 shots of 151, and an impromptu game of "Cell Phone Roulette"::

GuyOnTheCouch: Movie night here, come on over
Her: Monday night movie..what's showing?
GuyOnTheCouch: She's out of my league.
Her: Hahahaha that's why I asked what was showing..figured u'd have something good to say.
Her: I feel that we should meet for 1 drink just to see if we can't stand each other..
Her: r u shy or something?..we meet we can't stand each other we leave.
Her: Simple. Then we'll know..that's the way I operate. Its Pretty straight forward.

::day passes::

Me: IDK why you are trying so hard.
Me: If I see you I'll see you.
Her: I don't feel like I am. At 1 pt I liked being around u..I don't like the feeling of being taken the wrong way. Period.
Me: If I see you I'll see you.
Her: I don't like not being friends w/ people and u just happened to b on my mind, that's why I tried. Its nothing that's a big deal, see u around.

HOPEFULLY NOT. Woof.

- Posted using BlogPress for iPhone, boom

YONKERS

2011-03-09T14:17:00.000-08:00

Not safe for work, at all.

www.oddfuture.com

A Little Bit

2011-03-06T14:08:00.001-08:00

Cause ur on my mind, my mind, my mind / and maybe in time...

I haven't a clue who Jubb is but I was trippin whilst staring at his façade. Not wondering 'who the shit is jubb and what has he done for so long,?' but like WTF is going on. I met this girl and she's steady blowing my mind like erry weekend. Met a hot sec ago but feel like I've known her my whole life. Wondering how something could feel so right so quick. This ain't like me, I'm a realist, a tough guy, an asshole, etc. I told her I'd follow her ten times on Twitter if I could. This Chinatown bus seems like nothing to me. I'd take a bi-plane across the himaylays to see her. And erry time I leave it gets harder.

Wow. #hateyou

- Posted using BlogPress for iPhone, boom

Rapelisberger Sandwich

2011-02-10T20:56:00.001-08:00

Do you have a seat near the bathroom? May I have two smuts with extra thousand island? Extra pickles on the side.

- Posted using BlogPress for iPhone, boom

Boots wit da furrrrrrs

2011-01-22T07:36:00.001-08:00

Apple bottom? Not quite. More like flatbread bottom, or um under-baked apple turnover bottom. Boots? Ok I'll give you that but them shits are PayLess, Marshalls at best. I'm hating I'm a label whore, fuck you. Fur? That shit is PITA approved aka www.notfuckingreal.com.

What's up with the red riding hood? I'm done.

- Posted using BlogPress for iPhone, boom

When Portmanteaus ATTACK

2011-01-10T17:33:00.001-08:00

WTF

A portmanteau (pronounced /pɔrtˈmæntoʊ) or portmanteau word is a blend of two (or more) words or morphemes and their meanings into one new word, usually combining specifically the beginning syllables of one word with the end syllables of another. In linguistics, a portmanteau is defined as a single morph which represents two or more morphemes.

- Posted using BlogPress for iPhone, boom

Location:Hoboken, NJ

I'm Obsessed with this JAM

2010-12-27T11:12:00.000-08:00

"When I'm alone in my room sometimes I stare at the wall
Automatic weapons on the floor, but who can you call?
My down bitch, one who live by the code
Put this music shit aside, getting it in on the road
Lot of quiet time, pink bottles of Rose
Exotic red-bottom sole, body glittered in gold
Following fundamentals, I'm following in a rental
I love a nasty girl who swallow what's on the menu
My money triple up when you get it out of state
Need a new safe cause I'm running out of space
Elroy Jetson, I'm somewhere out of space
In my two-seater, she the one that I will take, we

Riding to the music
This is how we do it, all night
Racing down the freeway
Just me and my baby, in our ride
Just me and my boss, no worries at all
Listening to the
As-ton Mar-tin music, mu-sic

Would've came back for you, I just needed time
 to do what I had to do, caught in the life
 I can't let it go, whether that's right
 I won't ever know..."

Clittman Jewelers

2010-12-20T20:42:00.001-08:00

Look at it.

Am I perverted or does this really look like a clitoris?!?

Nothing says "I love you" like buying your current significant other, who presumably has a clit, a diamond clit to hang around her neck. I guess if you can't find the real one this one would suffice. Or maybe since I brought it to your attention it would be an omnipresent reminder of your sexual inadequacies.

It's fucking sick. I mean I want to flick it but still, sick.

Just put your mouse pointer on it, rub it a smidge, then head back to the fbook.

- Posted using BlogPress for iPhone, boom.

Seriously, Mel?

2010-12-07T07:59:00.000-08:00

Where do I start? Did Perez beat me to the punch-line? (Guess Mel isn't his cup of gay.) Is this story for real? Who reads a script about a man obsessed with a fucking beaver puppet and is like, "this is genius, Oscar worthy, sign me up, thank you Eric Murphy for getting me this fabulous piece of newveau art." WATCH THE TRAILER I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT I AM SEEING.

Seven Year Itch...

2010-12-01T08:39:00.000-08:00

This tale is not to be confused with the movie of the same name, but it is the real life adaptation of the same mythology. Better grab yourself a snack and hold your gf tight...

11:02 AM Brian:

okay story time

hit me

11:03 AM me: 10 year reunion was sat.

so we all knew that hardly anyone was going

like 75 peeps out of 280

Brian: because of the holiday?

me: no because my HS was clicky and ghey as fuck but i did some research and found out my ex was going

11:04 AM Brian: ok gotcha

me: anyways ex shows up

im there, clearly

mind you i havent seen her in prolly 7 years

we were still smashing at the time

Brian: ok

me: she has been married for 5

11:05 AM and has a 6 year old

daughter

so you do the math, me and her hubby def sex cousins

at the reunion she gets hammered

and is all over me in front of all my boys that went and all her girls and people are like what the fuck

11:06 AM cause clearly her girls know she is hitched but surprisingly most of my boys didnt

Brian: ok ok

me: we go to a bar after the dumb ass banquet hall

Brian: whats her name, i need to facebook

me: shit gets worse

Brian: as we talk

me: she is in a pic here: http://removed.com

11:07 AM she is like trying to grind on me, fucking cockblocking me from everything else

im like 'you are married what the fuck?'

so she follows me in the hallway where the bathrooms are

and boom, making out
and i swear i am trying to get her off me

11:08 AM

Brian: ok ok, right

me: i stop her and im like "what the fuck is wrong with you? what do you want from me?"

she grabs my dick and says "you know what i want"

THIS GIRL IS MARRIED

Brian: wowwwwwwwwwwwwwww

me: MARRIED

MARRIED

my mind is blown

Brian: naturally

me: but

11:09 AM i am the better man and i didnt fuck her

but

it gets better

her friends ALL LEFT HER

so she is stuck in NJ with nowhere to go

Brian: oh crep.

me: so naturally i take her home with me

Brian: to philly.

whoa

me: yeah philly

mad far

like 40 miles

but she threw up all out my window and shit on the highway

11:10 AM shit was not good

Brian: fuckkkkkkkkkkkk

me: so then i get her back to my apt. and im still thinking to myself "im not fucking her"

she STRIPS

gets ass naked just panties

11:11 AM JUMPS IN MY BED

Brian: how the body look

me: amazing

Brian: oh MAN

me: she always had a tight body she runs marathons and shit

Brian: ok jumps in bed...

me: Moment of Clarity: i threw sweats in her face

told her to get the fuck out of my room and sleep on the couch

11:13 AM she did.

then she gets up in the morning and freaks the fuck out

has 5 missed calls from her HUSBAND

and he comes and PICKS HER UP FROM MY APT

11:14 AM cause i refused to drive her anywhere. it was 7am

my mind is still blown

11:15 AM then i get the fb message "sorry about puking on your car"

i want to be like "sorry your an adulterous whore"

Brian: wowwww bruh

11:16 AM so your husband didn't come upstairs

and kill you

nice

me: i think she just lied and said she stayed at a friends

fuck that, he should be thanking me!

Brian: very nice.

i know, right

me: i coulda fucked his wife sideways for old time sake and left her in the parking lot of PJ Whelihans

11:17 AM honestly though i am still disturbed by the whole ordeal

11:19 AM Brian: but why

me: cause its fucked up

11:20 AM the whole scenario is fucked up

Brian: it sure is

me: and i know i did the "right" thing

Brian: i want a body shot of this chick

she looks sexy

me: SHE BLOCKED ME

Brian: UGH.

weird.

me: from fb right after she sent the message

i know

me: body shot

http://www.removed.com

11:23 AM

Brian: dude

hot.

11:24 AM me: well thank you i was with her for 5 years and then dumped her

11:25 AM do you think she wanted me to fuck her to intentionally give her an out from her marriage?

Brian: no not at all

its not for an out

don't think of it that way

its just so she can fuck

that's all

bitches are crazy man

11:26 AM me: yeah but if you were gonna cheat why would you do it in such an obvious instance

cause bitches are crazy and stupid?

11:27 AM Brian: exactly.

The Weeds

2010-11-26T17:57:00.001-08:00

Freemasons drink a fucking lot. They hide barrels of gin gimlets and pints of VO under those funny lil hats.

Seriously, I ran out of kahlua in 14 minutes. Fatties were slugging them with heavy cream. 3 minutes later I was out of Bailey's and Amaretto. ::vomitinmymouth::

IDK this blog should be funnier but I guess it's more appropriate to post on FML or some shit. I'm sorry.

- Posted using BlogPress for iPhone

Video of the Millenia

2010-11-26T08:06:00.000-08:00

VMAs take heed. . .

Legalize It

2010-11-23T09:11:00.000-08:00

WHAT ARE THESE KIDS ON??!?!?! Seriously, I want some bottled happiness.
Today myself & another Sunoco patron were amicably waiting in line while filling up on petro and Hyper Bean, when suddenly ::crackhead appears in a puff of white smoke:: He was mumbling some jargon that event the Urban Dictionary Rhode Scholars couldn't decipher.

Seriously though, we were www.freakedthefuckout.com. We REALLY thought he was gonna shank the cashier with a spork because he didn't have enough change for a Pepsi.

Then I get into work and receive an RFP for this PSA campaign. Coincidence, I think not. We need to prioritize, forget getting stoned teens off the road, we need to get thirsty crackheads out of convenience stores.

Always Practice Safe Daggering

2010-09-21T11:47:00.001-07:00

BRUK OUT!

You know what's f**kin ghey?

2010-08-19T07:13:00.000-07:00

A dude wearing black stockings, pink socks, and daisy dukes? NO that is NOT fucking ghey. Being straight is fucking gay, lately. What is ghey is the shit men and women do. All this back and forth, to and fro, yin and yang, ping and pong, bingo bango, he said she said.

Gay men have the straightest approach ever. Wear some flaming get up, hit a club where everyone wants the same thing and is open about it (eek, it's wang) BUT at least all the lolly gagging and bullshitting is curtailed with a simple and acceptable "Do you wanna fuck?"

Could you imagine if I broke that quote out with half the chicks who have been tugging on my nutsack for the past 3 months? Honey liable to slap a motherfucker. Or worse yet, break out and tell her gossip girls "Can you believe what he said to me? he asked me if I want to FUCK! OMG what an asshole."

... So anyways, do you wanna fuck?

Chasing Amy, So To Speak...

2010-08-09T12:43:00.001-07:00

Did you ever see Chasing Amy? Are you living under a fucking rock? Or are you just not hip to the Kevin Smith NJ based awesome films of the mid to late 90s?

Here is Silent Bob's soliloquy:

The issue in the film is that Holden (Ben Affleck) can't deal with his girlfriend's (Joey Lauren Adams) past because she was a fingercuffing hoe-bag in college. In the end of the film Holden tries to get her, to re-enact the menage a trois with him and his best bud Banky (Jason Lee), who is homosexually attracted to him and Über-jealous of Alyssa (the girlfriend). It backfires, she slaps the shit out of him, and says: " I love you, I always will. Know that. But I'm not your fucking whore." Deep right?

What if up were the dude in the past? The one doing the finger-cuffing? You wouldn't give a flying fuck. You would be glad that this once innocent girl was now your object of Eiffel Towering. Right? Unless perhaps you previously thought said girl to be a prude. Hmm. . . very interesting and fortuitous, Mr. Smith.

JUMP BITCH!

2010-07-30T10:10:00.000-07:00

It's a photo of a photo shoot. Umm, fucking retarded. Or at the very least - redundant. Let me take a video of me videoing myself videoing your mom videoing her blowing me. Art imitating life imitating art imitating my balls.

I stole this from Philly.Com's Philly Sexy Singles 2010. Why weren't me and Virg on that shit??? This chick is gross. JUMP BITCH, save us from your face.

Role of Life . . .

2010-07-27T09:20:00.000-07:00

Soft Packin'

2010-07-02T12:29:00.001-07:00

Apparently this is what women call it when you try to fuck them with a limp wang. News to me!! You know why?? Cause this has never happened to me ever. I am www.naturalviagra.com

Ok, that is a lie, after an excursion with Absolut + Adderrall back in 2007, I soft packed the shit out of the hun. I mean, can you soft pack the shit out of anything? Seems counter-intuitive. Alas, I digress in your face.

Glasses of Conceit

2010-06-23T08:22:00.000-07:00

Some girl left her Coach Sunglasses on my nightstand. The Power U wasn't worth the angst, this is our cut-N-pasted text battle. Get a snack, it's some real TMZ shit.

Please note: Three weeks went by between when we "hooked up" and I use those words losely, and these texts. Behold, the admission of a Conceited Bitch.

Normal = Jersey Girl
Bold= Drew Down
. . .

U around today? I miss my sunglasses
I miss my sunglasses.
Can we meet up later today
No, not home, beat
One Day Elapses
What's the deal drew I am waiting.
My roommate borrowed them, and she is not home tonight either.
WHAT??!! Give me her number. If they r scratched or damaged she' or u r paying for them. They were a gift! Ive only been after u for a month about these sunglasses!!!
Actually you didn't even ask for 3 weeks.
How long has she had them? Where is she right now?
You will get them back but not tonight.
I have the case So I bet they r fucking scratched. Give me her number I'm leaving at 9 am and I better FUCKIng hve them!
Umm no, and I think you'll live.
Don't tell me "I'll live" I'm going to Vegas tomorrow. I want MY sunglasses. Get them now. Where is she
What has she been wearing them for the past month.
Tell the bitch I want them back NOW
::Calls My Phone::
::I hit IGNORE::
Way to ignore my call
Is this why you've been so sketch about it
Sketch? They were on my nightstand for 3 weeks n you said you had "9 pairs"
Not coach! They were my favorite!!!! No had 2. My aviaters broke memorial day weened. I wearing scratched ones
Call me
::I do not call::
Nice drew Seriously.
Not cool drew.
U can be respectful and call me
::I again, do not call::
Will u please call me
::I think about calling, but alas, do not call::
Wow. Ur an asshole
Do yourself a favor, if you have a favorite pair of something don't leave it on a random dudes nightstand.
Wow. Ur really a jerk
Sweet, I gradgimated from asshole to jerk.
I've been asking for awhile to get them back.
It's extremely rude that u let her continue to wear them
Will she be back tonight
Call me
::I think real hard about calling, but umm don't::
Btw u weren't a random dude
::TEARDROP::
Drew will she be back tonight.
U can answer me
So there's no way I'll have them tonight?
Nothing I can do at this point.
Will u call me
::Really got close and almost hit dial::
Guess not.
Why can't u call?
Have fun in Vegas, I hope your retina's are ok.
::Three Days Elapse::
I would like to pick up my sunglasses tomorrow or u owe me money
What's the deal drew
They are in my dresser. Relax.
Don't tell me to fucking relax. Ever. I'm picking them up tomorrow. And if they r scratched ur paying for a new pair
I won't be home tomorrow
Then I will get them later tonight when I get home from Maryland
I am at the beach.
Well who's home. I want them NOW
:: I spend 3 hours no-replying::
Hello. When can I get them
No one is home so late tomorrow night or Monday.
This is ridiculous. U text me when ur home. I want them back
Be nice. I didn't leave them anywhere, you did.
Not my fault ur roommate took them. I've only been after them for 6 weeks. U are "conveniently" never home If they r scratched or do not fit. Someone is paying for them. I'm sick of ur attitude
I'm down the shore. Go away.
I will stalk u until I get them back
2 days elapse
What time should I arrive at ur place to get my sunglasses
6 is good
::I wait until 6:30, cause I am actually nice::
I'm going for a run if u need these tonight gonna have to be after 830.
This is fucking bullshit. U can drop them off at my place then
Again if they r scratched or damaged u will pay for a new pair
Negative. If you want them pick them up. I just got home.
Good I'm leaving now See u in a couple WITH my sunglasses.

So at this point I am as a annoyed as Michael Jackson was about Megan's Law. I thought about telling her to park in the alley way, calling her, and then dropping the shades 9 stories watching her flail about trying to catch them. But I didn't want to be a meanie.

Seriously, who does this South Jersey Trash think that she is? My world revolves around your 2 year old bullshit sunglasses? Here is how the conversation out front of my APT went, mind you I am looking jacked and tan, and this bitch, who WAS hot, looks like she spent 4 weeks in a lean-to eating chocolate bars (pale with zits), NOT in Vegas.

"Here are your glasses."
"They are totally scratched on the front."
"You are overreacting, just as you have been the whole time."
"They are scratched and you are buying me a new pair, they don't fit right either."
"Seriously? Go fuck yourself."
"What?? I have been asking you for these for 6 weeks."
"No, you left them for a month and claimed to have 'nine pairs.' Which obviously was bullshit. I'm done with this conversation."
::Put's up middle Finger and walks back to APT entrance::

Text: U r the biggest asshole I've ever met

This chick is Veruca Salt meets Paris Hilton, but she brought no chocolate bars and didn't put out under night vision camera. I forgot to note, while walking out of my APT the glasses took a trip to my underpants post 4-mile run, on the hottest day so far this year. I wonder if she is noticing the aromatics as we speak . . .? Muahahahahaha.

Good Copy

2010-06-22T12:56:00.000-07:00

Behold, the greatest billboard I have ever seen. Nothing grabs attention like side boob and hot pink lettering. Why didn't I think of this? Why didn't you buy billboards from me Diesel?

I'm a failure ::DOORSLAM::

Starwoody Hotel Brothel

2010-06-16T09:28:00.000-07:00

Below you will find an actual hotel web description, if you don't believe me, fuck you click it.
"The deep blue splendor of the Atlantic Ocean at your toe tips. The sparkling serenity of the intracoastal waterway just under your nose. Take it all in from your private balcony, as you laze on the oversized plush lounger and ponder a kind of blue that only exists in the pristine waters off the South Florida coast. You'll love waking up to sunshine streaming through full-length glass sliding doors that go from the sand-colored carpet to all the way up there, radiating the room's warm natural wood furnishings and soothing shades of beige, greys and neutral tones."

WHO THE FUCK WRITES THIS SHIT? Can I hire you to write my facebook info? This is linguistic pornography. Cunnalinguistics if you will.

Let's sex this up as it was originally written for Penthouse Magazine:

"The deep pink splendor of the va-jay-jay at your finger tips. The sparkling serenity of the boob flesh just under your nose. Take it all in, my privates/your throat, as you laze with your oversized booty bent-over the plush lounger and ponder a kind of white that only exists in your mouth after you traverse the taint a/k/a South Florida Coast. You'll love waking up to sunshine streaming and my full-length that goes from the sand-colored carpet all the way up there, your va-jay-jay, radiating natural wood soothing shades of flesh, pink and neutral tones."

And you thought Ludacris wrote "Sex Room." Psshhhh.

Seriously, this dude is promoting your website?

2010-06-15T10:35:00.000-07:00

NMCFS Recruiting Video from NMCFS on Vimeo.

WHAT THE SHIT!!!!??? I would never buy anything from you ever.
(door slam).
(walks down steps).

My 1st Time

2010-06-13T12:39:00.000-07:00

Blogging from the iPhone. Also, text only!?? WTS??

Attention Steve Jobbs or Apple person in charge. Develop a fucking blogger app for this phone. Maybe someone at blogspot? How challenging could it be to traverse the iPhone operating system? There are baby monitoring apps, apps to change the lighting in my sex room, apps to pick my illegitimate children up from foster care, apps to scan my jeans / sell them to vintage stores and buy them back from Charlies while getting a blow j from a tranny, who I met on my craigslist app. No homo.

All I ask is that I can post photos to an HTML based sight. A blogger app would immediately surpass all of my other applicatons in usage. Also, people wouldn't have to deal with a bullshit text only blog of me ranting from and Israeli coffee shop hopped up on bean juice. Sorry but after a long night of cocaine use and unprotected sex with multiple females I need something to get me going in the morning (3pm).

Ok, I'm off to read a book about economics because this girl I am trying to go down on likes "smart guys" and even though I am a smart ass, apparently in 2010 they aren't the same thing, and while my vocabulary is verbose and downright eloquent, my Econ and marketing could always use a 'lil refresher. Grammar too (run-ons much).

Apologies to Mrs. Finocchi and the childrens.

-Chambreezy

I've Tried. . . but It's Just No Use...

2010-06-03T14:46:00.000-07:00

"Hair flinch from the eighties, library, lies bury /
TV, tell lies visually, kid you wit me? /
Hostility, humility, hillbilly, gorilla - he mentally illy /
Still is he, did he actually really kill me, billy?
All that stuff you heard about me, is probably true /
Heard I got the AIDS virus, I probably do /
Ammunition spitting is in him, is it are you listening /
Literally written, it's instictive?, get the rebel in him /
Sticking em with cynicism, sizzlin' rhythm, verbally hit him /
Did he did it, or did he didn't ?
Admit it, pretend you ain't offended,
Men and women, every minute they in it,
Don't be every illiterate ignorant critic who dissed it /
Every idiot that ain't live it, they talking shit
I'm R.A. the Rugged Man, GET OFF MY DICK . . ." RA the Rugged Man

2010-05-31T21:08:00.000-07:00

She said I must confess it turns me on when I cut my flesh
There's nothing left, I'm hollow, I'll follow death
If it's a change from the mundane Mondays
You know my pain, I'm empty inside, my veins pump Novocaine
Sometimes I feel like life isn't real
And my brain is too busy and my mind don't ever heal
I could never shut it off so I'd rather shut it down
Do it right the first time, I ain't trying to fuck around
And she smiles for her friends but the smile is a mask
Any memories of happiness are filed in the past
I considered my garage foot revving on the gas
A slash and a gasp or a violent blast
I don't believe in Hell unless it's what I'm in
I wanna free my soul, straight jump out of my skin
She exhaled and sighed, eyes opened wide
Suicide, it's a suicide

I don't know what she's doing now
Last I heard from her she said
She felt as if she should be dead
I guess in fact she usually does

It's so hard for me to explain
I guess she has a strange approach
It makes her seem beyond reproach
Until you find out what she is

Could be, Should be, Killer

2010-05-24T06:48:00.000-07:00

EAT HIS FACE! EAT HIS FACE! EAT HIS FACE!
EAT HIS FACE! EAT HIS FACE! EAT HIS FACE!

GO GO GO GO GO GO GO EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT!
DAMNIT!

Dear God, I Wonder "Can You Save Me?"

2010-05-21T10:40:00.000-07:00

"All the years we were real close/
Now I see his fears through her tears know/
She's wishin we were still close/
Don't cry, IT IS TO BE/
In time, I'll take away your miseries and make them mine, D'Evils..."

"My Life is a Party, Tell Momma I'm Sorry

2010-05-18T14:01:00.001-07:00

... but I'm never growing up."

THIS SHIT IS INFECTIOUS. Just keep playing it, over and over and over.

PHILLY STAND UP.

Momma You Miss Me Don't You...

2010-05-17T08:47:00.000-07:00

Dear Clipse,
Thank you for summing up my thoughts through eloquently framed verses.

Yours truly,
Drew Down

"I had that long time ago / Butt-naked on the balcony at the Dolla-no..."

Speak of FREEDOM.

2010-05-14T11:47:00.000-07:00

"No whore, that's not love, we was fucking /
I was in search of a chicken head; you was clucking /
And I was lusting /
We were both out of order
I shoulda known better as I'm reminded of my daughter /
Am I my brothers keeper? for himself every man /
I have been your reaper, there's blood on my hands /
Except me as your keeper, there's been a change of plans /
Be careful of what you speak of, I've come to understand - bitch " MALICE

Top 20 Reasons Why She Wasn't That "Awesome"

2010-04-29T23:02:00.000-07:00

ORIGINALLY POSTED 4/29/2010
If you're going to blog stalk, please ask about the extra-special blogs that are en que saved as drafts. Such as this gem...

20. The head she gives is meh. Passable, but nothing to talk about on the radio. Admittedly FuckFace was a tough act to follow.
19. She got kinda fat. I mean I'd whoop that 15 lbs. off her right quick, but still . . . summer, der.
18. The short hair is quite simply, awful. Wilson-Phillips?
17. Her demeanor was composed of an over zealous confidence that was totally unwarranted. Like she had a real job, or an education.
16. Short hair makes a round face look like a fat face.
15. She reached a stage of pathetic which was so unbelievable I felt secondarily embarrassed.
14. Turns out that it's looking like she actually is white trash.
DUI + Union Boyfriend= Vomit in My Mouth
13. A lack of emotional stability.
12. My father always said to me, "Drew, if you have any uncertainty about a women in your life and the possibility of ending up together - look no further than her mother."
11. Crazy eyes. Scary at times.
10. The innocent, "I'm bad at lying," little girl act is fucking played out.
9. ZERO ambition outside of the guy she is currently fucking.
8. ZERO ambition in regards to a career.
7. My sister didn't like her.
6. My brother's girlfriend didn't like her.
5. Sans tits; she just wasn't that hot.
4. She pretends like she is above the circles that she came up in as if she was more educated, more fashionable, and more worldly. But at the same time, she seemed content to dwell in those doldrums further evidenced by recent developments.
3. Not even a conversation to wrap it up: another red flag.
2. She didn't have the moxie to lay it on the line, so how could she have ever existed as anything more than a stepford wife?
1. She cared more about being someone's girlfriend then her own success.

Debugging...

2010-04-28T19:08:00.000-07:00

With "So Far Gone" on repeat in the whip, top down, billboard ride, the realization of the cold truth. Isn't it awful when someone can see your potential, recognize it, and hold you to that? Never giving more because of the failure to advance above the very culture and peer set that one openly strives so hard to overcome. Stepping up is relative, for I would have in fact been stepping down. That's not to say I am better than anyone, but I tend to expect more.

Fin. The death of bug.

Anti-climatic

2010-04-28T05:57:00.001-07:00

It amazes me the lengths people will go to avoid confrontation. Perhaps they are afraid they may learn something about themselves. But what is wrong with a climax? With a resolution? Whether good or bad it should be a necessity.

Kurt Cobain said, "It is better to burn out than to fade away." Then he blew his fucking brains out with a shotgun. He took it to the extreme but I couldn't agree more. The easy way out is for children. Fading away is for old people.

Your Ad Campaign Sucks Taint

2010-02-15T07:13:00.000-08:00

I recently stumbled upon this today while surfing the fbook. I saw Talib Kweli's face on the sidebar of my homepage. Then I go to it and it is for a spirit derived from juniper berries.
Which is fine, it's fine and dandy. I love to drink. But why the fuck is a blog about a bunch of jobless-trying-to-make-its sponsored by a booze owned by the second largest spirit distributor in the world???? Is this the way to make people want to drink gin? By confusing the fuck out of them?

How bout a list of ways to drink gin and it not taste like pine-sol from your grandmom's asshole? That might make me want to slug it. How bout a recipe for a gin-based LIT?? How bout some pine scented horizontal girl who's ass is way more than a model's telling me why she likes to drink gin in some seductive cum-on-my-face type voice?

This whole guerrilla-marketing-hipster-tap-into-the-culture bullshit has gone too far. Hennessey has the right idea - billboards on Broad St. get them hood rats thirsty. Fuck all this nonsense.

All I want for Christmas . . .

2009-11-25T07:27:00.001-08:00

Kcuf links. Bahahahahaha. Look at em. Ahahahahahahahahaha.

You Deserve to Die.

2009-10-15T12:30:00.000-07:00

if you eat this.
Seriously. WTS. I've been the arse end of a few obligatory comments for cleaning out WAWA's dairy section of cottage cheese (not the doubles, them shits are foul). But believe you me mamacita I know how and when to indulge.

1476 calories, 76.2 grams of fat, 556 mg of cholestorol on a some overblown sugar coated processed americana breakfast slop should be no one's indulgence.

ATTN: Red Staters, contiue to order this and die. Smoke a Marlboro afterward. After you eat this, not after you die. That would be spooky.

You remind me of a girl, that I, once knew...

2009-08-31T09:20:00.001-07:00

You looked so good on the bar menu. The first time I had you in my mouth you were delicious. Now when I look at you my stomach bubbles in disgust.

I can't believe I ate that.

True Bromance

2009-08-18T17:41:00.000-07:00

Look at these muuuuuufuckers. They are 2 years older than the Earth and they ran a train on Lucille Ball. They have been fingercuffing women since the roaring 20s. Where do you think they are going right now????? To the old folks home, to get wheel chair blowies from your grandmothers.

This is how it sounds.

2009-07-08T20:59:00.000-07:00

Mmmm. What a seductive message to a creepster lurking behind you at the bar. Or an ill-placed bumpersticker from a wayward activist. Either way, words to live by. Jus' cause some of us dance to the beat of another, don't hesitate to

You should hope to end up here, that means you moved me.

Macho Poncho

2009-06-16T21:54:00.001-07:00

is not ok..."Oh hey I'm in Old City on a tour of the nation's 1st capital so I have license to parade around in Glad's finest ensemble and pause in reverence at the site of every inkling of historia while my skank tourguide daughter pretends she lives here although she drove me here from Yardley. Thank God I picked up these bobos on 8th and market on my way down so when I fall face first down a flight of slick slate penn's landing steps the bums can pillage my pants for Abraham's copper likeness."

Poncho's are only ok at amusement parks and Penn State tailgates. You are only allowed to buy one while it is raining canines and pussy cats. I don't make the rules I merely abide by them.

We're getting there.

Thank You Slim...

2009-05-27T19:44:00.000-07:00

For allowing me to vent through your sick head. That way I can just sing your songs and not have to deal with my own thoughts.

This website may start to be fun again. I can feelz it.

Are You Fucking Kidding Me?

2009-04-20T18:46:00.000-07:00

I got dumped 'cause apparently I "lack passion." Which is funny cause I got dumped a year ago cause apparently I'm "too emotional." Coincidentally, both bitches told me I'm "spiteful and immature," and a "childish douche bag."

Hey Rita do you think I woulda fucked you out of your shoes that day (see above pic) if I lacked passion? Hey Sad Girl do you think I would have had the balls to talk shit to that dude you had call my phone if I was emotional? No I wouldn't have.

Don't get it twisted, perception is reality and I don't give mixed signals. . . one love.

Where is the love?

2009-03-26T18:46:00.000-07:00

I think I left mine in Hungary. I wonder where L-Boogie's went...

I am the blogger God who brought you out of the interweb, out of slavery, heed my words, don't wife her if...

2009-03-23T10:35:00.000-07:00

Amendment: Am I spiteful and immature? No, I'm mad at myself for not seeing the signs. This is more an insult to me than anything else.

"Go to hell girl you make me sick, I hope your new boyfriend gets cancer in his dick..." Slug

Full Circle

2009-03-02T18:44:00.000-08:00

You ever tell yourself so? Feel like above image? Let me just announce that I am a prophet. Motherfucking Roman Grant + Jesus squared. Not in the sense of speaking the God's word or turning H2O to cognac, in the sense that - I know what is going to happen in the confines of my own life. Despite this, I incessantly try to see the good in people. FUCK.

"Why must I be like that, why must I chase the cat- it's nothin but the dog in me."
- George Clinton

Is this dude Fur Real?

2009-01-30T08:27:00.001-08:00

I got the shoes wit' the matchin' fit check, yeah
I got them jewels lookin' phat around my neck, yeah
Take a picture, click click
Take a picture, click click
Check me out! Yeah I know what I'm doin'...

"It's A New Dawn...

2009-01-05T13:29:00.000-08:00

Resolution time hip-hoppers! You should start by avoiding this product. It's a non-perishable frying substance that is used in place of real oil. It's classified as not having trans fat, yet I can't seem to locate any nutritional information on the world wide web. A conspiracy worthy of a note in Behold the Pale Horse 2, if I ever write it. You won't know who uses it, and unfortunately I stumbled upon this box in front of one of my favorite fajita franchises.

On another note, I'm a peace of poo for not reaching my goal of last year. But I got close. Least 08 brought a smoking chick to my life and the deading of a thick hun. Man that was harsh. Maybe I should try to stop being an asshole in '09...

... it's a new day, it's a new light for me."

Unemployment

2008-12-08T19:57:00.000-08:00

The man fucked me. I am currently seeking an occupation. Potentials include, but are by no means limited to: media sales, marketing, tee shirt salesman, fine dining bartender, landscaper, construction worker and gigolo.

My Life...

2008-11-05T12:45:00.000-08:00

I woke up to a premonition on my dresser. My entire existence summed up in a magically categorized random pile of ish.

Clockwise from left - parking ticket (PPA see me), Crown Royal satchel of bartending supplies, engraved flask, red wine glass, Gatorade, Icy Hot, check, vintage watch, fake blood capsule, compact disc, & condoms.

I park where I want, work on the weekends, drink at night, drink at night, hydrate in the morning, shmear my back with muscle relaxants, get PAID, am fashionably timely, <3 Halloween, love dope beats and hard sex.

Fucking sue me. Seriously.

Employees Mustn't Wash Hands...

2008-10-02T07:23:00.000-07:00

Belial Basin.

"Cleanliness is next to Godliness. "

I think I'll go back to eating my sleeve of saltines with the inherit risk of germs from my genitalia contaminating my snacks. I'll pass on the Leprosy scented Lava soap . Talk about 1-upping.

Remotely Working from a Remote Location

2008-09-02T17:19:00.000-07:00

Step into my office...

Being Urban

2008-08-05T14:12:00.001-07:00

I grew up in the burbs. In a fucking 5 bedroom house with a pool and TWO parents. Those from the hood normally have a 1 bedroom row home with a sess pool and A parent - if they are lucky.

So what gives me the right to post up like some 21st century renaissance B-Boy?

Hip-Hop son. Non stop Hip-Hop.

Tha Chronic changed my life. That seminal LP + the Gza's masterful Liquid Swords made me obsessed with the genre and the culture therein. DJ Such-n-Such must have had a similar experience. From 2003-2004 we did work on JAM 91.

Respeckognize.

Is he still full of himself?

2008-07-06T09:00:00.000-07:00

It's come to my attention that various women that I have recently touched have the perception, that I, Andrew David Clement Chambers, a/k/a Drew Down, is somewhat of a narcissist, if that is in fact a real word.
In order to cast a Dark Knight caliber shadow of a doubt on such slander, I have compiled the following blog praising the accolades of the supporting actors and actresses in the life of yours truly. All references to myself here and thereafter will be in the form of self-demoralizing libel. There are a lot of them, it's like The Lost Boys, so get a snack and enjoy...

There was girl who's name will remain nameless. She told me, "Drew you like when people feel sorry for you, and you are a childish douche." Her advice was apparently superior to the stellar dome she gave. Uhh, maybe not. Shit was the maaaaaaaaaaaad note.

"Her Glory Always Reinstated."

The last night I saw her I gazed upon this marvelous graffiti on a wall in Freeman's Alley. Is it some divine intervention providing an omen to keep pursuing her power u? NAH it's fucking graffiti. Riiiiiiiiight.

What no one knew was that I was about to move back to NYC. I was head-hunted by my competition and on the brink of bouncing back. In one fell swoop, the girlIretardedlythoughtIhadathingfor and my brotherfromanothermother both left in their own respective ways.

Then I decided to make new roommates by sending a check for $1,000 dollars to the sister of a friend whom I met because he was the boyfriend of "girl"friend from my sister sorority. (Get it? I mean do you really fucking get it or are you just scrolling down because I'm not funny in the slightest? FUCK. )

ENTA Da STAGE

Avalon is my refuge. Personified it would be an individual who by day is mild-mannered and extremely placid. By night, wild and hedonistic. Like a porn-star with a 4 year old child, and a nanny.

Ma Dudes - Shore House Roommates, sans the Girls

Clockwise from left: Kris Wahl (a/k/a Sprox, Kirby, Michael J. Sprox), Michael Perno, MIKE N*****N (all caps for a reason), Jeffrey Schmidt, Brenden SChuck (don't forget the C), Tim Hanlon, Some fucking skinny bitch with a burnt red nose. Each has their role this summer, which will be divulged in the upcoming script.

The Rest.

Katie, Max, B. Schuck, Lindsey, Who Wears White Pants?, Tim Hanlon, Jess P, M. Schuck.

All these girls exemplify fit. Seriously, I wouldn't even consider bringing "sand to the beach" unless said sand was an athlete. They DO WORK at the gym and I am in awe. More later.

Pops' House

This is my second shore house, the one my father just built. I don't have a recent pic of Pops, but the house is his life right now - so this is appropriate. I never thought we were rich or he was a big deal until I saw this 2 million dollar beast. He still made me mow the lawn for $10 bucks when I was 12. Good looks Pops. I only get to sleep at this house when it's not rented, otherwise I'm back at 355 E. . . (PS the one on the right is his too, BAAAAALLIN')

Debunk bed.

This is a Chambers (put a fucking shirt on)-Broitman-Schuck on rye mattress sandwich.
The valor one must possess to sleep 3 to a single is not uncommon in 355 40th St. East.

Justin Rossi

Justin was probably tonguing down his incredibly hot girlfriend while we snapped the above group flic. All well and good, Justin exudes awesome. He helped me invent the new Kings game. It's like old kings but instead of picking a card, you get dealt one. Instead of making up a plethora of asinine rules in advance, you get to make up the rule for the card you are dealt.

Most of them ended up being, Chambers drink - high five to the right. But the nickname rule was the hot shit. Every time you pull a 5 you make up a new nickname for yourself that no one has ever called you before. If you call someone by their real name you drink. The highlights were - Kettle-cooked, Donatello, Chopper, and Tinted. Don't knock it til you play it - SEE ME.

"Kings are things I love."

Look at this melanoma asshole. Not only are you burnt beyond recognition, but you don't even have an inkling of a six-pack. And that V muscle is barely prominent. Fucking waste of space.

Kirby Cuts it Up.

Did you know that Sprox had his own barber shop in college? Kirby Cuts in the second floor bathroom of 424 E. Fairmount St. Do you see his hands? NO YOU DON'T, because he is the reincarnation of Edward Scissor Hands, just as debonair but he touches chicks.

"
They all just universally want to fuck me.

Jeffrey: Hey Rach, can I borrow your boobies for a little bit?

Rachel: You got it.

Jeffrey: Now I might not ever leave the house.

Rachel is awesome, don't let her big beautiful breasts and insane body fool you - she brings a lot to the table. We converse on topics such as - Jedi Mind Tricks, sexploitations, shore gossip, why I shouldn't ride a motorcycle, Jersey, moving to NYC. It's all platonic love.

Can a brotha get a motorboat?

Gratuitous.

Kirby: Umm Rach? I think you dropped something.

The Ice Cube Game

Apparently you just put three cubes in your mouth and the last one done wins. What no fellatio involved? Beatsville.

Alicia is a part timer. She's cute. I'd show her to my mom, like
"hi mom this is Alicia isn't she cute?"

Jeffrey is my roommate. We hit the Plough and DO WORK on Tuesdays if need be. We're salesmen and we are always doing big things.

Jess P

I mean for someone who has crabs, she is sooo happy. She sees the glass half full and I see the glass half empty. It's agreed we should spend more time together, but get rid of those crabs sil' vous plais.

THIS IS MIKE N*****N. WE ARE REALLY GOOD FRIENDS. HE TALKS REALLY LOUD AND SOMETIMES IT CAN BE MISCONSTRUED AS INADVERTENT AGGRESSION. REALLY HE IS NICE JUST DON'T BRING HIM TO PARTIES WHERE THERE ARE PEOPLE OR TO A HOUSE WITH YOUNG CHILDREN. HOWEVER HE EXCELS IN ROOMS WITH LOUD MUSIC. BLAAAARGH.

"How are we gonna go to this party without neli?"

At Hoy's 5 and Dime...

"This hat has dreads"

"Rachel's gonna love this hat we got her."

Word.

Brunch.

T. Hanlon and B. Schuck. Tim is a humble dude, although a gaggle of broads are trying to get his D in their V. I should take some notes from him, as I "Think every girl wants to fuck me." B. Schuck is turning out to be an excellent wingman, or maybe I am his wingman. Whatever the case, we hit the P and we DO WORK. Except with Moira.

Pernified: the state of drunkenness one achieves after an ingesting alcoholic beverages; the point where bowel movements , and esophagal contractions become involuntary, speech may also be slurred and words uttered to close friends that lead to demoralizing backlash. Regard to personal safety or the cleanliness of surrounding rooms or furniture is also abolished.

Sweet kicks Pern. Are they Imported?
Did you tie them yourself?

The Chambers' Family

Back Row: Gerard Chambers (father), Dan Chambers (brother), Nick Rosetti (cousin), Michele Chambers (sister), Brian Chambers (sister), Jacquline Prior (cousin), Kayla O'Donnell (cousin), Rosemarie Prior (aunt), Sean O'Donnell (cousin), Rocco Rosetti (cousin), Sam Rosetti (cousin), Gary Chambers (uncle), Debbie Chambers (aunt).
Front Row: Tracy Mitchell (pseudo step mom), Some ass who is the only person not looking, Trisha O'Donnell (aunt), Ryan O'Donnell (cousin), Michele Chambers (sister-in-law), Shana O'Donnell (cousin), Marcella Louise Theresa Griffin Chambers (Grandmom), Patrick O'Donnell (cousin), Ken Chambers (cousin), Michael Chambers (uncle), Eileen Rosetti (aunt).

We all rode in a bike race together for ALS. My grandfather, Clement John Chambers recently passed from the disease. RIP Grandpop. My lil bro and I rode up and back, 20 miles SEE US.

A Random Trip to the...

It's TUESDAY!

With a not so random squawkler...

"
I do know one thing though
Bitches they come they go
Sat through Sunday Monday
Monday through Sunday, yo

"

NY Love

This is James. Ma Dude helped me get into this sales thang thang with the swiftness. He's quick to hop on a mic and hype a crowd. Just as quick to drop some radio knowledge and take your assistants V to the B room.

SILK CITY!

Kabani doesn't read the Kabala, and if she does.. fuck. Xarx is checking herself for ticks.

The Legendary Pharoah

Your boy woulda never got on the air if it wasn't for this dude. HHH does work on the mic. WKPS, JAM 91 for life.

Interlude... how's that snack. Glenny Soy Chips are my shit. I'm comfortable enough with my sexuality to admit that. Are you uncomfortable enough with how your jeans fit to switch? I swerrrr you will never go back to Lay's or Snyders or Doritos.

FUCK! MY APT ALMOST BURNT DOWN!

106 S. Front, Apt. 4C plays an important supporting role in the life of yours truly. Not only is it my first real dwelling, but it is also like a small child to me. I had to nurture it and help it grow by furnishing it to become the panty-dropper it is today. SEE ME. Big ups to Joan Primavera who helped me decorate it. She used to cut my hair before I retired them shears for a #1 attachment.

This is Kathleen B. The B apparently stands for Bomz. I am not allowed to comment on that, 'cause she is my colleague. Work is more exciting with her around. Quick with the competitives and a sweet accent to boot.

She brought me to an open party on the Mushalu Boat Deck. I WAS THE ONLY WHITE MALE OUT OF A CROWD OF 1500. NO JOKE.

Good thing my taste in music is decidedly African-American.

Nice cheesy smile and double chin friggin schmuck. You must think you are hot shit with that crispy Ben Sherman shirt. Dick.

This is Alison. We go waaaay back to like '02. We went on some hayrides together but never tongued eachother down. Can you blame her? I epitomized bulbus back then.

'Lil Marilyn Monroe action on the AC vent to cool off. Breezly Brewin.

Fucking Asshole.

Seriously, what kind of self-affirming asexual assworshiping rim-jobber takes a picture of himself in a shower with sunglasses on? Maybe you should take a shower you smell like Olde City on a Friday morning after a rain storm.

This is Brian. a/k/a POOL BOY. He was my protégé at DCHI. We crafted social events that were the snuff of legends. Our legacy lives on which was proven on Wriggidy Wreck Yourself Weekend.

And we can still throw a banger. Proven by the Ghost Party.

HARLEM, 139 kid, the DANGER ZONE.

True Inspiration

Enter - Erik T. Christian. Not only did this kid totally forgive me for punching him in the back of the head circa 2001, but he then let me sleep on his couch at his apt on 2 Gold St. for 6 months while I was an unpaid intern at Blackbook. He also formidably fought and won a battle with Ewing's Sarcoma. That made tossing my fat ass look really easy. What up sweet kid, it is 100% love.

"
All the seeds that follow me, protect yo essence
Born with less,
but you're still precious
Just smile for me now

"

This is Kate's super awesome tattoo. It's temporarily temporary. She swerrs she is gonna get a real one.

For real doe, getting a belly tattoo on your wrist is a good look. That gear post-pregnancy might look more like dog's chew toy.

Kate's got better sense in music than 98% of all women I've met in my life.

"We are not the same - I am a martian."

Dr. Mitchell...

I got a splinter in my foot. I'm talking the Excalibur of wooded shards. This thing was a javelin pole vaulted into my bunyan. Sucks son.

But I deserved it, because I'm an insomniac bullshitter who never can sleep and I went to the gym at 5:45 am, and was pacing in the sauna cause I forced myself to stay in there

Tracy did work on my foot. To no avail. That wooden stake of doom lived in my foot for weeks.

Susan.

This is my "assistant" although she DOES WORK. And quite frankly I don't feel comfortable referring to her as such. "Right hand woman" usually works for me but then again I'm a douche.

This was at Positano Coast. The food was top-notch esp. the crab-stuffed hot pepper. I wouldn't want to work where I do if it wasn't for Sue and 3 martini lunches. SEE ME at the Continental getting shot down by the bartender, whattup Laura.

Sundays...

Every sunday in June-July, or almost erry sunday, my bro and I shoveled rocks and dirt at my mom's house. Ma dukes and I don't really get along, but I'm just trying to be a good son.

"It's like a deadly video game with one man."

This was the ramp game. Lay planks across stepping stones, fill a wheel barrel to the brim with red shale. Don't tip it. Or you will have a solid hour of picking up red rocks out of your freshly mulched flower beds.

George Wilkers.
This kid's Bwood to the fullest without being a the typical homothug that the town is known for. He moved into Tina Gangi's house in 1989. Ever since then him and Dan have been peas in a pod birds of a feather (BFF!). He's like another lil bro to me. He loves underground hip-hop and likes when I send him mix-tapes. I implanted Violent By Design in his head and now he sees the world in a whole knew light.

Mom: Don't you boys have any music that isn't RAP?

Me: Mom if you want white music, move to WHITEwood. This is BLACKwood.

Shiiiiiiiit you raised us here.

DO WORK!
DO WORK!

DO WORK!

DO WORK!
DO WORK!

DO WORK!

WORK.

THIS IS WORK. MAKING COLD CALLS AND SELLING ADVERTISING AND FINANCING AND MORTGAGES AND ALL THE OTHER SHIT US PROFESSIONALS DUE PALES IN COMPARISON.

ARDUOUS WORK.

Weirdo.

YOU SICK FUCK! Who, who on this globe enjoys moving heavy rocks with a shovel and barrel? NO ONE! Just you. Fucking freak. Oh what are you getting a "work out?" Are you getting some "abs" in? Goddamn, and you wonder why all these females can't stand you for more then a few months and a couple D to the V sessions.

Daniel Mark Chambers.

He is the King of this Red Shale Hill.

He is my lil bro and my heart.

He's a better looking, slimmer, more humble version of myself.

He will school you in all forms of hockey.

Speedo Sat.

See I told you. My bro just needs a 'lil more practice spitting that random game, and to throw away the jean shorts and he will be showing me how it is done. Not to mention he is fit and I have tits. Fat fuck.

Ben Franklin.

I have a in-adamant crush on The Ben Franklin Bridge. When I'm stuck in the Philth, aka the Killadelph, it's my release - like deep breath goin to Jers to see fam or to the beach.

But on the way back I always get a ear-to-ear smirk like it was '99 and Fat Tony and myself were comin' to the Delph for treats. Plus running this beast is guaranteed Euphoria followed by shin-splinting agony.

My apologies to those left out, better get at me this summer so I can tell you how much I suck at life.

Fin.

Legal Hustle

2008-06-20T09:19:00.001-07:00

Ain't blogged in a minute. Cause I DO WORK. All this money has been spent in 8 days on libations and food. I am fucking hungover. Where's my b12?

"NY State of mind but I dwell in Philly/ That means I'm on my grind but my minds real, really..."

What's wrong with this picture?

2008-05-27T06:30:00.000-07:00

These Afghanis are bringing Mom & Pop stores to a whole new level. Or maybe it was just bring your kid to work day.

Dorks Are Hot?

2008-05-21T12:59:00.000-07:00

That's debatable. Someone tell this bulbus brainiac that while his knowledge of Planet Zektar may be intriguing to a menial minority of the female populous, his bulging moobies are decidedly not hot. Try a new video game homie.

"The more tits you have the less tits you touch."

I love Nintendo, and Mortal Kombat II and lord knows I've touched a few females. So I guess I'm a dork, and I'm definitely hot. Also FRESH TO DEATH. Maybe it is true.

ps. I used to have moobies that were bigger than the last two girls I touched four boobs combined. You know why I don't anymore - I DO WORK. This is real life.

Kettle Please - 'lil Dirty

2008-05-15T11:34:00.000-07:00

"I drink the bottle 'til it's hollow and it all makes sense..."

Wriggidy Wreck Yoself Weekend

2008-04-10T10:28:00.000-07:00

An odyssey...

Reliving College At Penn State At Penn State.

This is a tale of a journey back in time, I'm talking hop in my Delorean and go 88 mph. Hold on, call Doc and tell him to meet you before the Lybians get him, oh yeah and GET YOURSELF A SNACK!

After a tumultuous trip to Trenton, Knife and I scooped our Colombian Cohort. Don't worry, we didn't use the bathroom at the train station.

Let the madness commence...

AUTOMOBAR.

This behavior is not condoned, nor recommended. But I assure you - no one drank and drove, we took turns, either you drank OR you drove. And above all there were no animals harmed in the making of the faderade. Shit could take varnish off your plush cherry office desk, or sprout some chest hairrrs.

Yes I took this picture. Yes I was driving. I wasn't drinking or looking at the road.

GHEA.

"Big L is that nigga you expeck, to catch wreck on any cassette deck/ I'm so ahead of my time - my parents haven't met yet..."

PIT STOPIf you think it's weird I took a picture of Brian pissing, you shoulda seen the look on the dudes face who was pissing to my left. He mumbled something like, "Razzle frazzin city slickers, metro blarg..."

Knife is scared because he has never witnessed the superior driving skills of Drew Down.

Dude, I was a professional driver.

Mmm, faderade in the automobar is almost as good as Macallan at The Race St. Café.

Err, maybe not but you might get the gist.

There was a certain fair that I attended while at the State Penn. They didn't get the memo that me and carbs - we ain't friends. This box lunch was a carb haters nightmare. Blah, fuck it - I was fat at PSU once and I can shovel calzones down my esophagus with the best of 'em.

What if I was allergic to gluten?
"I need a Zantac, doc/ and thanks before I blank into anaphylactic shock."

1st Spot - Allen St. Grille
Ahh, the jet stream brings in El nina, and marks the end of work - the beginning of a 12 day bender. One step for each day.

Delicious.

This is Randy. He is our man. Anticipating a tranquil Friday afternoon bar shift, he was reluctant to join in on our many renditions of "DO Work." We invented a game, when a song comes on - implant DO WORK in the lyrics.

One of the first, that turned out to be the best was - "Your a bitch girl, and I know you'll go far, but you know it don't matter anyway/ You can DO WORK with your old man's money, you can DO WORK with your old man's money..."

Try it sometime, instant hilarity. How 'bout you do it right now.

Fuckin' cool cats.

Off to MAD MEX to meet my mentor - Triple H, bettter known as The Legendary DJ Pharoah of Jam 91 fame. Hov.

None of the Mad Mex pics came out, fucking clownshoes.
Let's just say that there were margaritas for days, and a waitress that makes my pseudo girl look like miss congeniality. I'll explain later, or err I won't.

Did you get that snack, you are gonna need it.

Enter THE DAYS INN.

This was our home, aside from a mysterious scent,
It was possibly the best room ever.

509!

"I didn't recognize you with your hat down, son you ready? We got this whole shit mapped out/ Hope you ain't scared no time to back out/ We gon' take the back route pull the gats out and throw our mask on/ We ain't leavin til errbody dead and all the cash gone..."

It's a hotel room. This is what they look like.

We invited some young sorority girls to come chill in our crusty suite. Klaw does facebook work.

Shouldn't that say lick to enter? Or uhh flick to enter?

Smile Bri.

We's just warmin' up.

Aww, friends being friends.

"OMG, Klaw like totally stop taking pictures of my camel toe! Hehe, jk, lmao. "

Seriously, I don't even think a model release would grant you statutory immunity.

MONTY IS STARING AT BOOBIES

nocaptionneeded.com

Person A: Hey, get me another one of these Coronas.

Person Chicks: Corona? Is that spanish for beer that isn't warm and doesnt say Natural on the can?

The girls are sad cause my pants are on.

I'm sad cause my blackberry is krazy glued to my right hand and I'm not ambidextrous.

"I never say that I'm a gangsta..."

... now that's gangsta."

"My shit is hot - like jerk chicken...

...I should rob you/ but for that cheap shit you ain't worth sticken."

Holt has postpartum depression
Because the girlies left without touching his umbilical cord. Or he's drunk.

Maybe if you put that fucking crackberry down for 14 seconds you could forget your name and what ails you and be a rockstar.

A cellphone-less rockstar, but a rockstar nonetheless.

Nighty Night.

This is the end of Day 1. I hope you enjoyed your snack. If you didn't get one, I fucking told you this was gonna be an odyssey. That means the opposite of brief. Like sex on ecstasy - the long haul. Your in it to win it now, so go take a piss and get a brew. I'll wait for you, I swerrr....

Commence Day 2...

Sat. Morning Shennanigans...

I got the "I'm about to take a picture so try and get in it, oh wait no it's a video and you look like an asshole." That's why I started dancing, I was on camera. If it's like that then it's like dat.

"Don't worry baby, the condom is dick skin."

MAKING OUT WITH ANNIE'S MOM.mpeg

Check out this gravel pit, a mystery unravel it... with your face.

OUCH!

"I got 99 Problems and my chin is one."

Despite flesh wounds looks like it's gonna be a great day, today...

Only clouds I plan on seeing are in my drinks, son.

Aight, so we get decked the fuck out. I'm talking Kanye at the Grammy's minus those ridiculous shades and flashing sport coat. We're ironing, tying perfect double-windsors, the whole nine. Then off to the Deli for brunch & booze. This is en route to DELTA CHI PARENTS weekend. Mind you, Brian and I aren't active members and Knife was in ATO.

What's in your martini?

Love, soul, vodka and olive juice. I'll pass on the aged white wine.

Montoya

Becoming

Arthur.

Did you ever look up in the back Atrium-esque room at the Deli? There are some eclectic pieces of tapestry and the like.

What's the plural of hippopotamus?

Is that embroidered with a samurai taking a crap?

Do an impression of it...

... NOW

"Can I have some A1 in case this steak sucks?"
He says this as the steak is being brought to the table.
It was delectable though.

I swear we were not playing footsies.
But damn our kicks are hot son. HOT!

But that was the most action I saw all weekend. My head just isn't in the game right now, fuck. I'm a sit the bench for a bit homies. See you in OT :(

Drink.

Drank

Drunk

Shitfaced and we get a call from Blinker: Parents weekend starts at 5, not 2. How could we possibly spend the next 3 hours? Hmm, maybe day boozing and heckling passersby -
Off to Café 210!

Jaw Dropping Show Stopping Ridiculousness

"The Redefinition of Asshole"

New Word: Respecognize.

A journey down calder alley, with these debonair but drunken delinquents was interrupted by a call from my regional VP...

"Oh hi (wait isn't it fucking saturday, said Drew to his brain), you'll have to excuse the noise. I'm with a bunch of drunk idiots." Yeah, he knew it was 1pm. It's love.

The café was a barren wasteland. Some thought it was too cold to sit outside. We brought the heat.

He's down again.

He's Up again.

"That pitcher looks like a bucket of AIDS water."

"He doesn't exude the awesomeness."
Dude was brolic though. Too bad all the zits on his neck and back were a dead ass anabolic asterisk.

"YEAH!

LETS WEAR SOME FUCKING SUPER FLUORESCENT GREEN SHIT AND GO ON A BAR TOUR TO 4 BARS WE GO TO EVERYDAY CAUSE WE ARE FUCKING 21. COWABUNGA!"

See ...

A

trend?

Every dog that came by Brian pet. The really cute ones he tongued down.

"Come to the café, great specials."

This was iterated incessantly until we corralled a whole flock of bar patrons. I'm not making this shit up, it's real life.

"Can I have a long island iced tea? None of that well shit either, do I look like I'm in college?"

Brian had a beer and a fly needed a bath.

What ensued thereafter will live forever in the upcoming streaming web video. . .

Closed Captioning for the hearing impaired provided by Rob & big.

"You are what you eat - FLY."

"Hey waitress how old are you? Twenty? You mean Twenty-none? Twenty-cute."

Aww.

Brian is ready for anything at this point.

"WE ARE FUCKED IN HALF."

Your boy Drew decides that his hat is not suitable for parent's weekend so we go to the Mad Hatter to shop.

Brian shops til he drops. Actually, he just fucking laid on his face as soon as we traversed the store's vestibule. He made no purchases.

Pimp Hat. Too bad your chin looks like you got Pimp Slapped you face planting ass.

Ahh much better.

Right Click, set as desktop. Come on DO IT!

FINALLY TO PARENT'S WEEKEND!

We see Blinker...

"Hey Blinks would you mind taking an extremely awkward picture with my inebriated shit show of a roommate." KLAW is either shitting, singing, or loving life. A combination of the 3 may be possible as well

I had to explain to Lil Burnsy the art of the Double Windsor and perfect dimple.

Trust me, it will do more for your career than ACCOUNTING 211 ever will. EVER!

This is Whitney. She is one of the brothers in my frat who I don't know's mom.

Brian made out with her.

"PS - let's do meth."

We get split up. Monty & Knifer back to the GMan.

There's Holt, he's got a pitcher. What a surprise.

letsgetcheekywhiledoingashot.net

Brian is having difficulty negotiating this contraption called "floor."

Look at that poster in the background. Fucking twilight zone.

I ended up back at Café210.

I was the meat in this Polish sandwich.

The manager from the Fly Video recognized me from earlier. He saw me wobble. Then he said, "I know you, you were here all day. Get out!"

"You're gonna kick me out?? I'm the flyest motherfucker in here!"

Your boy got booted from Café 210.

At this point I'm Kerry Collins drunk. I went to the diner to refuel, and the only reason I know is because of the evidence.

They were 100% off.

Late night - BC at DX. With some Gamma Phi Betas.
That's a lot of alphabetization.

Brian just saw a gaggle of broads coming his way that like him less than a little.

They poured Miller Lite all over our poor comrade. He embraced it by basking in the Lite Flavor.

This is one of them...

Your picture is small cause your soul is as well.

Talk to the MAN HAND.

This girl gave Monty shit, cause he's big pimpin' spendin' cheese, and she's small timing turning tricks.

Inside Montoya's brain...

"Why does Knife need to steady the camera with his opposing hand on my ass cheek?"

We all slept various places. We all, sans Drew Down, touched females. We reconvened in the AM. It's Sunday now, but who's counting. Days of the week are really just dependent on your state of mind.

Pi Kapp's Lost-And-Found

The top of the tree (not shown) was filled with the anal virginity of their pledges and the respect of other fraternities.

Brunch at Pickles. Dirty martinis and bloody marys, der.

Leave it to Penn State to trivialize the future of our great nation with a beer special. I mean at least make it PBR, least the can is patriotic. Muuufuck some Bud Light.

Catch me if you can, back at the...

It never ends..

I'M TALKING CLOUDS!

This is Kara, isn't she adorable?
We all wanted to cuddle with her, and possibly put things where they don't belong.

She told us about her current but ex boyfriend...
"I'd show you a picture but all I have are dick pictures."

HIGH SCORE!

I really wanted an oatmeal cookie. I tried to order one at the bar, but the waitress gave a shot of godknowswhat with the same nomenclature.

Then I ran to McClannahans and got this 500 calorie beast. It was dry, overrated.

We like our martinis dirty, not our martini glasses.

"That was supposed to be rimmed with extra gay, not dick."

How do you feel about a dick rimmed glass...

And you Kara?

3 Phone Monte

This dick has now been on his hand for 48 hours.

No wonder I didn't touch any females... Look at my fucking chin!

Or maybe I have a girl? I dunno, fuck I'm goin to rub one out.

Down

Goes

Frazier

FYI: Kahlua Brand Liqueur has as much caffeine per jigger as 2 cups of regular coffee.

Erase and henceforth free your mind.

"Something about drinking really makes me want to drive. "

It cannot end. We must proceed.

MUST HAVE BEER for the AUTOMOBAR HOME.

Hey Hickey, you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my...

... fucking brains out cause I'm going through withdrawal and PALCB doesn't allow you to service me on Sunday. Of course sorostitutes up on Bigler can, but no malted love????

"I just got slapped in the face with the dick of reality."

Without a morsel of precious hops, our toy soldier marches back to his jeep a broken man. His journey home may be filled with land mines & death or chocolate ice cream and lots of sleep.

Maybe the glass is half full... perhaps this is the beginning of
Wriggidy Wreck Yourself Week.

I'll see you on South, LITs on Monday.
I'll see you on Market, Dirty Martini's on Tuesday.
Fucking Clouds.

Fin.

Hold-You-Over Snack 2

2008-03-19T12:36:00.000-07:00

WU-TANG KILLA CHEESE ON THE STORM!

I promise citizenpop faithful, there is a blog of epic proportions brewing. Complete with twists, turns, drama, motion capture and live action video. Stay tuned hip hoppers, stay tuned...

2008-03-16T19:46:00.000-07:00

"When I drop to a caesar, ma I don't need ya..." - Memphis Bleek
Part 1, Part 2

Muerte

2008-03-13T06:24:00.000-07:00

The body is often curable, the soul is ever so.

This is where I was born on Oct. 9th, 1981- Our Lady of Lourdes hospital - Camden, NJ. This is where my grandfather past away this past Tuesday, March 11th, 2008. Clement J. "Bud" Chambers was a powerful yet humble man who had 9 children. He was the yin to the yang that is my grandmother Marcella Louise Theresa Griffin Chambers (longest name ever but she always introduces herself that way to get a kick out of people, and it always does).

My family is unlike most others that I know, where with over 20 grandchildren we still manage to see one another every month, like clockwork. There are no outstanding feuds in which people don't speak. You know Christmas is at Aunt Eileen's, Thanksgiving is at Aunt Trisha's, and the 4th of July is at Uncle Gary's (with jello shots a plenty for Aunt Debs concurrent b-day). :)

I just want to thank Clement "Bud" Chambers for being the rock that this entire framework of remarkable individuals was built on. So if you can, toast to a man that you may have never met, with a drink you have never heard of - a Brandy Alexander. (It was supposedly Bud's drink even though few actually witnessed him sip one.)

Cheers.

It means a lot to your boy Drew Down.
RIP.

This song has been playing in my head on repeat...
Quan ft. Nas - Just A Moment

"As day comes and night falls/ For the rest of our lives we'll miss y'all/ And even though life must go on we still mourn/ While, wishin' y'all were home..."

A River Runs Through It...

2008-03-09T17:16:00.000-07:00

And a Model touched my ass.

So...the other night your boy Drew is walkin' home from his second hustle - tendin' bar, as per a normal Saturday circa 1am. Riiiiight, now mind you he's not feelin' lovely. Aside from the knot of ones, he's smelling like scotch, has a slim film of bar residue about his face and neck, and is wearing an un-tucked tux. It don't take a degree in Fashion and Tim Gunn to deduce that it's not prime time for street booty ballin'.

Out of left field this girl gropes Drew's ass - like shlazam. Then she says, "I like your walk, it's determined and sexy." What? Really? Jesus Christ, Drew has a "this woulda never happened to Fat Andy moment" and he ejaculates a lil bit. Skeet.

Not really, but when it comes to street game he always says "What would Taylor do?" Then scales it down a notch. Holmes watches in amazement. Then just as our hero's about to cop the digits he has a moment of clarity - he likes a girl and this shouldn't be taking place. He walks home and feels good about his decision.

Two weeks later, not so suuuuuuure. Fucking clown shoes.

"Jigga the shit, even when he rhymin' third person/ Hova tha God, I should be rhymin' with a turban/ Haters can't disturb him, waiters can't serve him..." Jay-Z

Oh My Galosh!

2008-03-05T14:14:00.000-08:00

I mean, do I really have to say anything else? Best part is - there was no rain, none.

Valentine's Day Massacre

2008-02-25T19:40:00.000-08:00

I'm a hopeless romantic. As an individual who spent the majority of his life so far as "Mr. Personality," aka the guy girls liked but didn't wanna fuck, I've learned that you can never be too thoughtful. (Seriously, when I was a lumbering fat body I found myself in the friend zone more than I care to admit -whattup LB?)

Valentine's Day has become something of a humbling experience. This holiday, whether Hallmark or Pagan, is as unforgiving as Clint Eastwood in the wild west with a .38 to your fucking dome peace.

This V Day, or VD Day as my lessthanappropriate father would say, was to be different. WAY different. Why? 'Cause I have a girl, uhhh - no comment. Really 'cause Jeff and Kieth had plans son. Not as grandiose as a Kaz/Rollins filled BMore Hammerjacks shit show. But clever, nonetheless.

Total Kitchen Cabinet Reorganization!

Uhh, no I'm not kidding, but random hilarity was sure to ensue.

A nanosecond and one whole sliding storage unit later, me and the roomies got a serious case
of utensilitis.

There is no spoon.

Knifer, you need to chillax on the dragon + Matrix. Cause as far as my pupil can see, there's a fuckin googol of 'em. Aight, maybe a quintuplet. More than a little, you get it.
A LOT OF FRIGGIN' SPOONS!

Obviously, you can tell by the grimace that we chose to dispose of Knife's fav spoon.
Teardrop, we are all sobbin a wee bit. But if 2 to 1 can impeach Slick Willy, then your preferred plastic plate plopper is peaced the fuck out.

Errbody's got the VD Day blues by this time... I got the antidote and it's the only antibiotic any bachelor from BLACKWOOD, NJ of Gaelic Decent would recommend.

GANGSTA RAP.

And I'm not talkin this shit they be playing on Wired 96.5fm.
I'm talking straight cop killin' face smashing mosh pit JAM 91 UNDERGROUND shit. Of Drew Down PSU fame, hov.

The catch - Name That Tune.

The penalty - SHOTS. Guess that verse or I pick your poison.

It was a small solace for a great triumverate of PSU alumni with a ballin' waterfront apartment.

"It's cool to be the player - but it sucks to be the fan."

True Slim, 'cept on Vday. Here's to all the player's out there. . .

tone...

salty

259 up, 111 down

Upset, embarrassed or indignant as a result of humiliation or wrong-doing by another person. Salty was most often heard in Chicago up to about the mid-nineties.

Still on the Wagon Resolutionists?

2008-02-12T13:18:00.000-08:00

Here we are. One Month 11 days, 16 Hours and 24 minutes from Resolution time.And like I had foreseen just before Old Lang Sigh (Spell Check sil' vous plais?)

I'm killing shit:

I mean, can you read those numbers? (No really can you? Cell Phone Cam)

I'm not even human anymore. Motherfucking Carl Lewis should scrub my Goddamn JOCK! Especially considering that 9 Years ago Willingboro Senior High took a steaming shit on me at the 50 Yard Line of Carl Lewis Stadium. To the tune of 63-0, Willingboro High vs. PVI.

Can I get my just desserts? Pun intended, cause if you are gonna be successful - leave the apple pie where it belongs! On the radiator.

I'm saying, do you think I make this shit up? This is real fucking life. I will reach my goal of 2008. I could give two shits if I have to offend every fatbody walking this earth. I know where I'm going, and I know where I been.

"I don't mean to brag, I don't mean to boast - but I squash like butter on ya breakfast toast." - Sugar Hill Gang

Digital Don Datta

2008-02-07T13:23:00.000-08:00

A Mixed Media Approach

Since the introduction of Myspace and Facebook pimping has been brought into the digital age. This became apparent to Drew Down when he went to pay his rent check, on the 5th of February (cause it's not really due on the 1st). On his way out of the Chocolate Works, he overheard a couple of "thugs." They were conducting a complex dialogue about members of the fairer sex.

Thug A: Ayyyo kid, we gots to get this paper up fam.
Thug B: Why's that dun?
Thug A: You know, I need that DSL right. At my crib.
Thug B: The what?
Thug A: DSL man, get with it. Fucking high speed internet.
Thug B: Oh - Word.
Thug A: You know why right?
Thug B: Nah.
Thug A: It's dat new shit son. How I be politickin' to these hoes mang.
Thug A & B: (Maniacal but thuggish laughter)

Pentium pimping is not just for pedophiles anymore.

Shiiiiit. When Drew was a lil fat G, DSLs meant something entirely different. Hov.

Exes

2008-01-30T10:17:00.000-08:00

They’re not All psychotic.

Some don’t call you on your birthday, some make out with your friends at Madison Square Garden, some marry the dudes who they slept with while they were still sleeping with you, some go a-wol binge & purge into obscurity and reappear in the boonies bangin a hillbilly, but the good ones, they’ll holla at you from time to time, maybe throw themselves at you – for giggles and shits.

But the really really good exes (is that an oxymoron?) will escort you to WU TANG, no strings attached and get you discounted tickets. Hov.

The Troc was MADNESS!

Classic Vids:

Lyrics?

Can I get a suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu?

Mr. Idontgiveafuckleupagus...

2008-01-23T10:01:00.000-08:00

This is his car:

Oh what's that? Trying to show that Christian Troy's arrogance pails in comparison to your own?

Redefine reckless. Fuck double parking, or parking in front of a hydrant. Double Hydrant Park! Fuck the man! Fuck the Philadelphia Parking Authority.

Move swiftly in the night via your '85 Monte Carlo. You ain't got shit to lose homie, your dubs are worth more than your hooptie. You're the Bo Duke of Parking Wars.

This dude is 730. If he didn't catch a violation on this one, I want him to be my mentor. I want to take his class on Notgivingafuck 101.

I used to live my life similar to that of Mr. Idontgiveafuckleupagus. Now I wear a suit and conform to these things called "laws." Sigh.

Ill side angle:

FUCKING RECKLESS!

Prête-à-Porté

2008-01-11T09:53:00.000-08:00

First Day of School '89

Andrew is wearing: cardigan by LaCoste Kids, skeleton button up by who the fuck knows, sweats by Hanes, 49ers sneakers by Reebok, bag - vintage.

Daniel is wearing: t-shirt by Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, pants by Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles/ZUBAZ. Raiders sneakers by Reebok, bag by Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Mom, really? Did you let us leave our fucking house like this? Holy shit. I woulda been better off with Adam Sandler as my fashion designer/father letting me wear a muuufuckin' Scuba Steve jumper, goggles, swimmies and fins. Carlton Banks wears cardigans, not Andrew Chambers. A pink tie maybe, but that's different, bitches love pink ties.

Good thing I was the biggest fattest kid in my grade. Otherwise I would have gotten sent to the wall spread eagle (definition 4 please) and pelted with a spherical projectile of choice.

Danny boy on the other hand had a sweet lock dangling from the back of his dome known as a "tail." Which aided him in running from bullies by providing lift.

And my parents said they never ate Lysergic acid diethylamide
Yeah, neither did I.

Resolution Smezilution...

2008-01-02T10:01:00.000-08:00

I had a revelation about resolutions when I was at the gym on the 30th of December 2007.

They're bullshit.

To all the thousands of fatties with tons of tub to shed about to hit the gym today, I offer a vote of confidence.

I was rather bulbus for the majority of my first 25 years. My descent to a favorable BMI began in mid March of 2005. Why March? Not a fucking clue. The day shouldn't matter.

Be resolute about your resolution.

Remember these famouse words of wisdom:

"Dough makes your doughy."
"The more your ass giggles at the gym, the less it will on the beach."

And please keep your fat asses away from me while I'm killing shit at the gymnasium trying to reach my resolution for 2008.

ps. "You ain't gotta go to church to get to know your God." - Jigga

Cooler than an Ex bitch...

2007-12-28T13:44:00.000-08:00

Ehh yo, sometimes you gotta just say fuck it. Stop sticking your neck out and play some muuuufuckin' SCRABBLE.

You got lucky Steven. I swore that lojac was a landscaping related piece of equipment. Turns out is was a proper noun, which are not allowed.

Good show, 198 to 204.

ps. "If I don't got two balls and a middle finger to throw up/ I'm taking off both shoes and stickin' each middle toe up - fuck y'all." SS

Worst Best Week Ever

2007-12-20T10:20:00.000-08:00

It's been a long time, I shouldn't have left you...

Did I see you on the Worst Best Week Ever?
Not to be confused with the Best Worst Week Ever

It started on the 10th - Tending bar at Collingswood Grand Ballroom

Fuck-A-Tux

Slick Willy and I go back to '87.

I must say, William Holmes, Esq. and myself "get money money - basically..."

Best Week: 1
Worst Week:0

The 11th was uneventful as you can see by the lack of photographs gracing this very page

Football, gym, Wii, ehh.

PUSH

Since, my 9 to 5 revolves around staring at a box,

I make a feeble attempt to view as little as possible while at mi casa.

'Cept for Nip/Tuck Tuesdays.

Catch me at 10 on any given Tuesday lampin' with the roomies.

This was however, the last Tuesday I'd spend with a certain hotty from another land :(

Best Week: 1
Worst Week:2 (demoralizing)

Wed. the 13th brought a surprising upswing with the Jew Clause himself dropping off some tantalizing Sixers tickets. Seats had the mad visuals son.

Intermission rolls around: brews and a sub. I know to watch the calories need I end up "Fat Andy" again. But when in Rome - eat some meatballs and do some Roman shit. Like smoke opium or fight to the death.

Campos Deli @ The Wachovia Center.
After a mildly ardent argument, Keith and I decide on splitting the meatball sub.
Mostly because the hoagies looked stale, and the tomatoes looked like pussing scabs.

Transaction occurs - no qualms. But we need the sandwich cut.

This degenerate excuse for a minimum wage employee flips her grease filled pie-hole and tells us to cut the sandwich our selves?

What the fuck.

Keith jumps in a phone booth to turn into Knife, but luckily I snag him to go catch the third quarter before he skins her.

Cheer up whipper snapper, it's only a game.

Stadium serfs should be indentured servants. Or at least act like you give a shit. Fucking clownshoes.

Wed. game was dope, despite repugnant service. One for the Best.

Best Week: 2
Worst Week:2

Enter: Thursday, Dec. 14th 2007

Took the day off to bid my dime piece bon voyage.
I'm omitting pics cause I can't get clearance from over sees.

Let's just put it this way: I was sadder than the fat kid who was picked last at kickball because his ass is wide. And that's pretty fucking sad. The day gets worse.

I got a crispy new T-Shirt and I'm brandishing it to hit the town.

I'm trying to drown in a bottle of Macallan 12 and forget my name for a hot minute.

Then my rib injury from the Black&White Flashback starts flaring - I'm talking judo side-kick to the scrotum type pain.

So sexy Rachel gives me the chauffer treatment to ER.
This is no joke, I'm not breathing well.

4 hours, 2 x-rays and ZERO drugs later. They give me Motrin and tell me to breath into this fucking thing 10 times a day.

WHAT IN GOD's NAME IS THIS THING? WHERE's MY PERCOCET?

I finally get home to notice I'm missing an ill virtual jam session.

...and party ev-er-ee-day

Justin's looking pretty huge. No wonder why he touches a playmate.

It may look tame, but when Stevie Ray Blake is in the zone it looks more like this:

Thursday goes to the WORST. Double-shot.
Best Week: 2
Worst Week:4

Now might be a good time to get yourself a snack. This is a blog of epic proportions. I mean it's not The Stand, but a snack might be a good look.

Enter: Friday 14th of December 2007

Work was swell. JJ, Susan and myself took some holiday flics at the Omni Hotel. Pretty festive, but no ugly sweaters.

Then I flew off via Amtrak, to the NYCity. People give it a rest - Illadelph is it's bastard step child plain and simple.

Straight from Philly work to NYC work.

Chins up - hoes down.

What the hell is up with my eyes in that flic?

M-E-T-H-O-D Man-esque.

Fuckin' gangsta.

James being Gandolfini for the night.

After the tameness that is the company Xmas party. The madness ensued when I reunited with my brotherfromanothermother - Big T.

Things get nuts when the YO Fam is reunited.
Three brolic yoked homies in the city doing big things.
We party like rock stars.

No question.

But in this pic we look more like gangsta rap stars.

Where is Dre? I mean Gus?

Best gets the W.

Best Week: 3
Worst Week:4

Enter: December 15th, 2007 - Saturday

T and I amuse ourselves with water pipes and tales of women. While Billy & wifey put the NY City Waterworks out of business by setting the Guiness Book World Record for Longest Shower, or Quietest Sex.

Finally errbody is ready to go to brunch, at 2pm . We are off to Blockheads.Sad Illadelphians, we don't get to rejoice in the splendor that is all-you-can-drink mimosas. Teardrop.

We're seated and three seconds later, T is hitting on the waitress. I have never seen him do such a thing in public.

You can see her ass>
It's nice, she's French, hot and extremely uncomfortable.

Do you think maybe touching her hip with the fork did it?

Or maybe the gattling spray of intimate inquisitions did it?

Seriously though, you coulda had it T if you didn't start hittin on the hostess.

Then Taylor breaks into his half buzzed, half still drunk from Friday: "This is Why I'm a Pimp"

It goes on and on. But nobody really understands what the fuck he is talking about.

Yes at least YOU think it's a good story.

T you are a pimp cause you are 6'5", bi-racial & have insane game.
Ill give it to you, you DO WORK.

But that fucking story dun, had no rhyme or reason.

Brunch is over circa 4pm. Off to Mercury Bar to cause mass hysteria.

So the three dons post up, and I'm getting filled in on all the finger-cuffing that has been going on in my absence.
Then a victim comes to serve us. And I pretty much get the nudge that I'm next. Needless to say, said waitress didn't serve us anymore beverages.
She's aight, for the train.

I finally realize I gotta hurry back to the Illadelph for the concert.

Searchin' for a cab, T hollas at another bird.
He had as much luck gettin digits as I did catchin a taxi.
Zero.

So I hoof it 5 Avenues to Penn Station. Hop the 5:56 and I'm on my way back to the Delph.

Told you you should've gotten a snack.

"The kid Reef raw,on the streets I'm king cause/ Wil' the fuck out beat my chest like king kong
Is this thing on? I'm tryin to channel the youth/I rock the crown of caesar, and hannibal's boot
They call me animal tooth, use your bones as a back scratcher/
I'm allergic to dirt weed, and wack rappers..."

Lil' Danny is 22 and double fisting. Hov.

After a couple PBR's his vision is impaired. Or my camera phone needs a flashbulb.

Back at the crib...

It's Fireside Chat's with M Dot Raine.

He's not sober, let's not sugar coat it. We are fucking belligerent at this point.

I mean look at how fucking close to the flame he is?! It's wreckless, dun.

"You go the munchies, look at you junk food junkie..."

Dean used to be a cook, so I think he knows a few things about grating some muufuckin Gouda.

Uhhh, err, maybe he needs a refresher course.

Hella cheese-grating mania ensues. Consume mass quantities. My cupboard was bare. Which is good, cause I only eat leaves.

Julio and some other peeps roll up while we are loungin' on the couch.

Everybody asses out lickity split.

This is how I know I'm not in college anymore.

Cause if I was, I'd be assed out on Julio's couch. Whattup Beaver Terrace?

Chalk up 2 for the Best week.

Best gets the Double W.

Best Week: 5
Worst Week:4

Thanks for sharing my Worst Best week ever kids.
But it was the worst though - I'm a miss you sad girl.

This is why we're hot...

2007-11-21T11:30:00.000-08:00

It's called a fireplace.
Not only does this essential element to any proper pimp palace get the panties wet when members of the farer sex bestow their eyes upon it, but it two-times as a cooking element. No Pun intended.

As you can see from the Blakester, said fireplace can lead to the camp-fire incarnation know as the S'more.

This was his first, so you could say he lost his smorginity. Or you could just say "yum."

Newsflash

2007-10-31T12:20:00.001-07:00

This just in...Oh, I'm sorry is that a limited addition Pink Vespa? I apologize for referring to your fine piece of Italian motorcraft as a mere "bike."

That for-her Harley is good up to a metric ton. But watch the All Hallow's Eve candy that could put you over the tipping point.

People Wonderin, Where the hell I been...

2007-10-22T14:09:00.000-07:00

I moved to Philly. And despite the stellar view from my room...

I'm still single. Teardrop.

I like the Illadelph so far, but holy apple crueler are people obese here. And I'm not just saying that because I used to occupy that very sect of portion control-less populous. But Philly is fucking tub-0-lard-laden.

Knife somehow managed to corale this fine speciment from Mad River the other night. Blake and I had to rent spelunking gear, and the jaws of life to remove him from her foopa.

I am in no way shape or form a Homophobe, but...

Let me just say - the gays in Philly are EVERYWHERE and they want you to see their gayness in all its gay glory.

Ghayttho Fabulous.

Other than the aforementioned occasional foopa and semblance, my block is hot.

Sometimes I'll be coming home from tending bar in dirty Jers and see piggy-backing drunk girls.

Which is cool, but fuck the buddy system. If your girl wants it, then she should get it.
I got friends and we can be friends.

There is an Afghan Restaurant near my crib - I haven't ventured to yet. It's supposedly real authentic.

They blasted it with a Scud Missile just so Bin Laden would feel at home while dining their disguised as your mom.

Sometimes I get the urge to go back to Jers - so I run to Camden. Whereas most normal people run from Camden, usually for their lives.

This is the entrance to the pedestrian walk way to cross the
Ben Franklin Bridge.

Good thing they put that sign up cause I am as swift as Marion Jones on HGH.

Flash ain't got shit on me.

Sometimes I skip rocks across the Delaware like G-Dubs.

Get at me... I ain't that far.

Thanks Monty

2007-08-24T12:00:00.000-07:00

I guess I can't say "Does anyone remember my Metro North Sign blog?" because my dumb ass never has "time" to "post" so most of you muufuckers don't even read this goddamn shit anymo.

But Brian has arrived to appease errbody. With this...

MTA is retarded.
Okay I was sitting on the subway and noticed that one of the posters in particular didn't really seem to make sense, what i came to conclude was that it is another one of those bits designed to give us "false sense of security", one that helps keep our travels along NYC transit from turning into a ride through the depths of paranoia. You've prob. seen them all over the place, they are the "if you see something, say something-- Call 1.888.NYC.SAFE" . . .you might be wondering, "well whats the problem here?"

HAVE YOU EVER TRIED MAKING A PHONE CALL ON THE SUBWAY?! its fucking impossible! No one in the history of modern technology has ever been able to successfully complete a phone call from a cellular device while traveling through NYC's goddamned subway system.... So, why in the FUCK would the MTA deem it necessary to include a phone number to dial? Its all bullshit, it should be more like "if you see something, you are fucked."

Plus, its not like you can run out of the subway car while its moving to tell the conductor or anything, he's usually miles away in the middle car and cant speak English.

Am i the only one that thinks this is stupid?! I want to take the director of MTA safety marketing and hold his neck between the closing doors of those same subway cars that house those useless piece of shit awareness posters. Fucking dickhead.

Now tell us how you really feel Monty.

Some people feel your pain.

We need more signs like this one .

We the (Party) People of the United States...

2007-07-08T17:08:00.000-07:00

in Order to form a more perfect shore house, establish Justice and inebriation, insure domestic brews are drank constantly, provide for the common defense of the e. fairmount legacy, promote the general promiscuity, and secure the Blessings of Gerard C. Chambers to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this United State at 495 21st. Avalon NJ.

Some came early, some came late, some came in their britches, some never came at all (Snitches did though - maybe twice, prolly prematurely). Sick pit hair.

Whatevs the circumstance - July 4th being a mid-week holiday proved to extend the party, slow work, and cause a week-long lurching extravaganza that melted Monday to Friday with the buttery slickness rivaled only by Land O' Lakes on Jersey corn.

I came late much to the malign of my housemates and the chagrin of the shwhores. Fridays events have been omitted from this website at the direction of William Holmes, esq.

Sat. - beach, der.

After the beach walk politicking 1990s style (in persion a/k/a pre-evite) no babies were interested in venturing to the crib (despite Pat's plethora of tasty morsels he introduced me to, good looks Snitches).

We brought "No Shower Happy Hour" of Sea Isle fame to The ...

Time time time time time for some action.

Person A: Dude these goggles are really protecting my cornias.

Peson D: Word son.

Would you like some slaw and liberty fries to top off those hot buns Geoffrey?

4 golden Margaritas deep - LET THE GAMES BEGIN...
Dunno who suggested it, but a barrage of Credit Card Roulette ensued.

For the laymen, the game is simple. See this pic:

Ok, imagine each number IS a credit card representing an electronic link to one's financial success or hood richness.
Instead of being spun, the cards are toss in a hat (preferably an e dot).

Imagine the ball is the hand of waitress.
Instead of the ball landing on the number, the waitress waitress picks a card out of the hat. That person pays the piper or swipes the swiper in this case.

Do you get it?

I lost the first round - 8 fruity bitch drinks and $73.50 later - I was a winner again.

Exhibit A.

After many rounds consisting of jager shots, lemon drops and a cheering section... Kyle was all about the ladies.

1, 2, Kyle's comin for you... 3,4 don't grow up and be a shwhore... 5,6 drinks at the windrift...
7,8 gonna stay up late ... 9,10 never sleep again.

Err, I stand corrected.

After all that jump ropin, Kyle needs a smoke.

Surgeon Generals Warning: Smoking after losing credit card roulette mildly numbs the senses and the euphoria may temporarily relieve the bank account bends .

Schmidt got some

... free Cuervo promotional crap.

After numerous rounds of cc roulette...

Still standing and damn sexy. Who is the Euro dude? Perno you are shining.

That was just happy hour kiddies.

	Recipe for Success

x	Pre-Game Buzz

x	Red, White & Blue Stripes in the Adicolors

x	Sexy female housemate arm candies

x	Huge Gunz

Then it got interesting.
Call for details...

Til next weekend chitlins.

It was so cold she had to...

2007-07-02T20:01:00.001-07:00

Do a shot of Jager.

Then she was so hot she had to blow him:

Merry Christmas in July.

This is the World we Live In...

2007-06-05T21:11:00.000-07:00

When there is no internet...

Race St. Café Freedom Fries become Lincoln-Logs while simultaneously bar napkins morph into Salespro, cell phones become our only means of trans-american communica - we "smile while we dial" and consume adult beverages.

Shit... wish the web would crash more often.

Who Wears

2007-05-31T07:46:00.000-07:00

s _ _ r _ _ h _ _ t s?

This asshole does.

Bottom line - thighs of males should only be seen by females who plan to ingest said male's bodily fluids.

To purple 80s retro daisy duke brandishing uber homo jogger fuck -
KILL YOURSELF... or get some longer shorts, not jean shorts though.
(Them shits are out homie.)

Golden Years

2007-05-21T19:33:00.000-07:00

"Does the carpet match the rug,"

In middle school it started when you sprouted a few pubic hairs.

A phrase so paramount to any heckling youngster's ego blasting repertoire.

In the Golden Years - it may morph into something far more complex, much like the bowel.

I hope I live to my twilight so I can dye my hair to not only match the carpet, but my jacket, and the Philadelphia Phillies uniforms too.

Semper Fishbrain

2007-05-14T08:26:00.000-07:00

Oh Uncle Sam. Is this what we have come to? Mobilizing our military forces with In-Line skates? Do you have any idea how detrimental sand will be to those Bones Bearings? Are we going to makio our way to freedom? This is just further evidence on how militarily fucked we are in Iraq. I know how Osama is getting around.